Happy days. It’s summer...well sort of if you ignore the floods, thunderstorms and plummeting temperatures but you know what I mean.

Let’s just assume, shall we, that there’s still time for us to have that barbecue summer we all remember from our childhoods.

You know the ones I mean, days so warm you can go out without a cardi, dad can wear shorts and the paddling pool for the little ones makes its annual appearance in the back garden.

And the patio furniture is dusted down and takes pride of place on, well, the patio, all set for those long, lazy al fresco meals.

What could possibly go wrong...apart from the fickleness and unpredictability of the weather of course?

I turned to the Guardian’s website for some summer outdoor tips.

First up is a report (admittedly from last year) about barbecue safety from Cheshire Fire and Rescue Service, warning everyone to be aware of the potential dangers of barbecues if proper care is not taken.

Apparently, the fire service doesn’t want to put a dampener on people’s summertime fun but head of prevention and protection, Keith Brooks, promptly put a dampener on people’s summertime fun, saying: “We want people to enjoy the summer weather but want them to stay safe doing so. By far the biggest danger of barbecues is the use of flammable liquids to light it.

“We have had a couple of occasions where people have poured petrol onto the charcoal in an effort to get it going and the reaction has, not surprisingly, been violent and highly dangerous.

“Prepare well in advance and light the charcoal early. Most of all, enjoy yourself safely.”

OK, in the words of the song Perfect Day, you’re going to reap just what you sow and you don’t have to be a qualified health and safety officer to understand the implications of pouring petrol on a barbecue.

Anyway, it now looks like a barbecue is the equivalent of a ticking time bomb in your garden so for safety’s sake, let’s give that a miss this summer.

Right then, if fire is dangerous surely water is the safer option. How about a nice soak in a back garden hot tub? That will be all right, won’t it?

Well maybe not. Ladies and gentlemen, let me refer you to the report on the Guardian’s website from last week entitled: ‘Warning over deadly disease from hot tubs and hose pipes this summer’.

And the warning is dire. According to the Chartered Institute of Plumbing and Heating Engineering (CIPHE), hot tubs, spa baths and even garden hosepipes could harbour the potentially lethal bacteria that cause Legionnaires’ disease.

The report continues: The growing popularity for installing garden hot tubs poses a risk for the serious disease to be contracted in the summer months.

The combination of warm weather and sitting water creates the perfect environment for Legionella bacteria to grow and these bacteria are the cause of a potentially fatal form of pneumonia, Legionnaires’ disease, which is contracted by inhaling tiny water droplets.

Kevin Wellman, CEO the CIPHE, said, “While all man-made hot and cold water systems can provide an environment ripe for the Legionella bacteria to grow, it can thrive in places such as hot tubs, whirlpool baths, compost heaps and even garden hoses.

“The growing popularity in hot tubs and spa baths means that many families now have a potential source of an outbreak within their homes and gardens.”

Right, that’s that then. No barbecues and no hot tubs or paddling pools. Summer is just getting better and better, isn’t it?

So what shall we do then? I know, let’s have a picnic instead. Surely that will be nice and safe.

Well no, apparently not according to the story on the Northwich Guardian website last week because your meal in the great outdoors will almost inevitably result in you being attacked by wasps.

The Guardian reports that wasps are normally natural pest controllers and tend to eat other insects as a mainstay of their diet but during August and September, their attentions turn to sweet food which makes them much more of a nuisance for picnic-goers.

It is at this point I will readily confess I am terrified of wasps and in the spirit of public service, I am happy to repeat the advice about what you should do if you are pestered by one of the flying monsters.

A spokesman for pest control company Rentokil says you should always remain still if a wasp approaches you.

The spokesman added: “If you have to run away, do so in a straight line, without flailing your arms. Protect your head and face, as these areas are mostly likely to be targeted by the wasps but don’t try to swat it.If you swat at the wasp or swing your arms, you’ll only make it more aggressive and more likely to sting you. Do not seek shelter in a body of water, as the wasps will simply wait for you to re-emerge.”

So there we have it. Summer’s here and the time may well be right for dancing in the street but not for barbecues, hot tubs or picnics.

Think I’ll go and lie down in a darkened room with a cold compress until winter. It will be safer that way.