I’ve spent the last week trying to get my head around what exactly is going on at Cheshire East Council.

Private Eye is having a field day on its Rotten Borough’s page ridiculing CEC so I made up my mind to investigate.

Chief executive Michael Suarez has been suspended (at a cost of £20,000 per month) under the heading of ‘officer misconduct’.

Meanwhile deputy chief executive Kath O’Dwyer has become acting chief executive (anticipated additional cost £2,500 per month).

Chief operating officer Peter Bates has relinquished his financial responsibilities (for reasons unknown), which have been assumed by an external consultant (cost £1,025 per day).

Monitoring officer Bill Norman is on the long-term sick list and his role will be covered by his deputy (additional cost £2,621 per month).

Given the £450,000 Cheshire East Council spent on the report into the Lyme Green debacle (swiftly redacted to conceal the findings) the eventual cost of this current turmoil could top £1 million.

So what’s it all about?

As taxpayers are footing the bill you would expect an explanation.

Having talked to several councillors it would appear several key individuals are either laid off or on long-term sick leave.

So while care for the elderly and vulnerable is unaffordable, Cheshire East are spending thousands (if not millions) on another embarrassing internal inquiry, the full results of which will undoubtedly be hidden from those paying the bill.

It really is time Cheshire East did some soul-searching.

How much of this can residents afford?

No commercial organisation would survive such profligacy.

Just because it’s public money does not make it right.

Can they not see the dichotomy of switching off street lights, cutting services and hiking up council tax while wasting huge amounts of money on internal investigations, consultants, reports etc?

Do they not understand how hard families must work simply to pay their bills?

Every member of Cheshire East Council should ask what residents will actually get in return for funding this inquiry.

What will be their return on investment?

Lyme Green cost the best part of £2 million for which residents received nothing.

Voters are paying inordinate amounts of money simply for CEC to investigate itself.

Try explaining that to your care workers.

LOOKING FOR A SAFE PLACE FOR SAVINGS?

With interest rates at an all-time low I decided to seek a new home for our savings.

Mrs B was insistent security was uppermost and not to countenance any undue risk. As chief financial officer of Barlow PLC I dismissed her concerns with a derisory nod.

I could be relied upon for due diligence and wise investment.

Having carried out considerable online research I selected a good solid British bank offering decent terms on a fixed rate saver account.

With money laundering regulations to complete along with personal details for both Mrs B and myself plus specific transfer instructions the entire research and completion process took almost two hours.

Job well done I thought until the online registration form rejected one of my answers.

I called a listed number for assistance and having pressed button one followed by several other options I finally spoke to a call centre representative… in India.

He was a nice enough chap doing his level best but the moment I went off script he became very confused and passed me to his supervisor who was even more befuddled.

Clearly this was not the safe haven Mrs B requested so I bid them a polite farewell and resumed my search.

My next port of call was another long-established British institution that offered similar online terms and for the next 45 minutes I applied myself to a detailed application.

On completion I discovered they were owned by a third-party with a very dubious track record.

I just knew Mrs B wouldn’t approve so…back to square one.

I’d had enough of online surprises so made my next application by telephone with a very helpful lady who assured me our savings would be secure in her care.

It took a little longer to complete all the forms but there were no last-minute anomalies or confusion.

Finally, all was good and I agreed to make the necessary transfer of funds.

She congratulated me on my wise choice and wished me a nice day.

I thanked her for her service and asked if I could have her contact details for future reference.

“My extension number is 2018,” she told me. “Just ask for Mrs Gamble.”

I daren’t tell You Know Who.

DIANE ABBOTT ON THE STUMP For those of you wishing to attend political rallies on the run up to the general election I am informed Labour candidate Ms Diane Abbott will be speaking at the O5 Arena on May 35th at thirty-o-clock.

Polls suggest that seven out of four people who witnessed her recent TV interviews changed their voting preference, which is an astonishing 80 per centimetre representing a swing of almost six-foot-nine which would sweep Labour into power with an eleventy-two seat majority.

(For the sake of electoral fair-play all of the above is a fabrication of my own making and has no element of truth whatsoever).